Warning, spoileryness for Game of Thrones 7×04: The Spoils of War. I’ve goddamn warned you. You sure you wanna keep reading? Fine.
Ok ok, holy shit what the hell was that?! Main characters crossing over like wriggly spaghetti today as the Thrones shows us how to do TV. Everything we want happened today, everything. We had more than 2 Starks in a scene together, Dragons fucking up people’s shit, main characters on death’s door. Lots to cover, lets recap Game of Thrones.
Jaime’s shepherding some Spoils of War (see what I did there?) back to Kings Landing so that the Lannisters can always pay their debts. Bronn continues to show everyone what an absolute bloody diva he is, demanding MO MONEY MO CASTLES from the golden handed kingsguard. Nice little cameo for that dude from Black Sails here, I can’t remember his name and I don’t care enough to look it up.
Meanwhile Cersei-no-mercy is swizzling those pearly blues at Mycroft Holmes, asking him to “Please don’t fund our murder, fund THEIR murder!”. Mycroft seems ok with the brother lover, but he’s a fickle little princess and it’s obvious his allegiances will dance around for the rest of the season. “Do I prefer financial security,” he asks himself “or do I prefer being burned to crispy little munchkin by a fire breathing Dragon?”. Tough questions. Kinda disappointed we didn’t get any finger-in-the-bum quips today, but for that we need pirates and nobody cares about the pirates in this show.
On Dragonstone, Jon draws some stuff on the wall with finger-paints and punks a Dragon Queen into believing its CAVE DRAWINGS FROM THE SPOOKY MYSTICAL PAST. I can’t believe there wasn’t at least a “You put a lot of effort into this, Snowy boy.” from Daenerys. Game of Thrones science expeditions though, more enjoyable than they sound. I like the chemistry between them, I really really do. It’s a shame Jon’s being talked into literal incest with his auntie by Davos though. Ups and downs.
Up in the Snowy and fairly grizzled north, Arya finally arrives in Winterfell after 3 episodes. 3 episodes! HOW CAN IT HAVE POSSIBLY TAKEN THAT LONG TO TRAVEL THAT FAR. The director really wanted us to think Arya just would get thrown out the castle for an entire episode instead of just satiating our “Let the good guys fucking hug already!” needs. Meera Reed has officially become Gendry’s boat-mate as well with this episode. No emotional goodbye, just a “See ya later Meers, thanks for the episodes!”. Predictable. Arya meets RoboBran and he’s as wierd as you’d imagine. RoboBran given knife. RoboBran not like knife. RoboBran watch Arya walk down road. RoboBran thought Arya do a thing but she not do a thing.
Right. Here we go. Theon shows up in his dingy and asks where our lord-and-savior-with-many-titles is. “Shes not here.” says Jon. You know where the fuck she is?! SHES RIDING DRAGONS TO GO KILL SOME BITCH-ASS LANNISTERS IS WHERE THE FUCK SHE IS. Jaime freaking out at the sound of Dothraki as they plumb the rest of the supplies into King’s Landing, we know what’s coming. Suddenly Drogon smells some tasty man flesh and its crispy-fried-golden-lion-o-clock. Oh boy the viscera! If you read last week’s mostly disappointment filled recap, THIS is the the type of action I wanted. THIS SHIT, RIGHT HERE. Meaningful, brutal, grimy, violent and entertaining as hell. People can actually die again, and its fantastic. Bronn got some badass moments, Jaime got some badass moments, Daenerys got some ultra combo superkills. Awesome, total awesome. I need a Drogon, can someone please buy me a Drogon.
A vast improvement over last week. Everything about this screamed “we’re setting up the pins” and i’m 100% hyped for what comes next.
10/10, Thronies, Bravo.